I’m so hungry… and I’m still not losing weight!

I could quite literally put a little butter, some salt, on my desk at work AND EAT IT.

That’s what I have never understood about trying to lose weight – what on earth am I supposed to do when I’ve had breakfast, I’ve had a snack (all healthy, both protein) and I’m still hungry I could gnaw my wrists and waiting for lunch time just isn’t an option.

What do you do?

If I eat – which will be another meal in addition to breakfast and lunch – I’m not losing any weight.  I would then have three meals, including lunch, and there is yet dinner to come.  And yet, I am so hungry that I almost have no choice but to have something to eat.  Well, let me just say, the proverbial horse looks really good right about now.  Just add a touch of salt, a little butter, mix in some garlic…  Okay, I’m getting carried away here!

So, firstly, my question is: how do I sate my hunger?  I am eating enough breakfast – so how do I make it last until lunchtime?  What is it that I need to do to eat just enough to see me through to the next meal time without feeling like I’m going of my rockers because I  am so hungry?

And secondly, is this normal?  I’ve had my thyroid tested and etc, etc, etc and it is all perfectly normal.

And thirdly, once I’ve had my breakfast, how do I stop thinking about food long enough to get me through to lunchtime?  And to lose weight?  How do I lose my mind in something else so that food stops being this obsession causing me to gain more and more weight?

How???

Guess the character trait that I am working on now is not only tenacity but also wisdomwisdom in knowing what to eat, when to eat and how much to eat.

Today has been a bad day in terms of hunger and getting completely panicky in my need for food.

The Baby Mama

One Foot Forward

If you have been reading either one of my blogs (Baby Mama’s Blog and Fragrance of Marriage) you will realise that I have four goals, prayers, desires in my life:

Now, I have always had four prayers:

  1. That God would protect and nurture my marriage;
  2. That God would aid our financial situation and provide for us according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus;
  3. That God would be with and guide our little girl that she will know that even though she is an only child, God is always with her and He will always love her and be with her;
  4. That God will help me to eat healthily, lose weight and exercise.

I know that my fears and anxieties pertaining to my marriage are solely from my own background and my parent’s divorcing when I came back from honeymoon, smiling.  I know that in my marriage I firstly need to honour God, but secondly that I can only ever control myself.  I can work on me, and hope and pray that my husband works on what he needs to – but I can’t force it.  My control in my marriage resides only in controlling me and what I am learning and doing and focusing on.

For our financial situation, both my husband and I lost our jobs in a very short space of time (within a few years of each other) and we have never recovered financially.  Short of buying lotto tickets every week, there is very little I can do about our financial situation… except to trust God.  His word says He will provide everything we need according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.  So, in God will I trust.

For Baby Girl, her life path is already written by the creator of the Heavens and the Earth.  I can’t shield her or protect her from life any more I can myself.  Life happens, and all I can really do is try preparing her the best way I know how, and quite simply just love her; become her safe place when life becomes overwhelming and frightening.

And finally – my weight and getting fit.  Now this IS something I can do something about – there are a whole lot of heart issues I need to get to grips with, but essentially my control over what I eat, how much I eat, and how much I exercise is far more in my control than any of the other prayers.  I am walking this path until I finally get there.

But our brain is plastic.  We can create new pathways + habits + patterns.  We can rewire our brain.  We can create a NEW default mode.  A mode that leads to more cheers + smiles + feelings of accomplishment.  Every action we take either moves us closer to — or farther away from our goals and a more fulfilling life.  What if we chose to stop giving the missteps and so-called “screw ups” so much of our attention?  What if we chose to consciously shine a light on the successes?  How might our lives transform?  I’m in the midst of a personal experiment.  Earlier this week, I started keeping what I call a Towards Journal.  It’s simply a list of every action I’ve taken that propels me towards what I want for myself in life.  In other words — the actions I take each day that are in line with my top values (connection, adventure, fitness, skilfulness, kindness).  The actions that make me feel proud + accomplished + fulfilled.  Now I’m only on day 4, BUT — I think I’m on to something you guys.  When we’re focusing on what we’ve done well, we go out of our way to create even more actions to add to the list.  Chickadee Weight Loss

And this is the motivation for my new blog – a focus on one foot forward towards my goals and desires; those things that are within my control – all the myriad of successes I have each day that I don’t even think about, a moving towards my goals – instead of focusing on all the negative, a moving away from…

Boot Camp

A fitness boot camp is a type of group physical training program conducted by gyms, personal trainers, and former military personnel.  These programs are designed to build strength and fitness through a variety of intense group intervals over a 1-hour period of time.  Reference here.

You need to understand me.  I am the shyest of shy person to be found anywhere.  When all my friends were up and partying and making friends – where was I?  At home, on my own, reading a book or watching TV.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to make friends – it was that I was so scared of embarrassing myself that I’d rather not risk it.  So, I stayed at home.  And my parents were quite happy about that, because it was one less child to worry about being out and about (my brother was quite the party animal).

But, that fear of embarrassing myself haunts me.

So, what do I go and do?

Well, I have signed up for boot camp.  It’s another foot forward in my walk to achieving my goals.

Now, I have always had four prayers:

  1. That God would protect and nurture my marriage;
  2. That God would aid our financial situation and provide for us according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus;
  3. That God would be with and guide our little girl that she will know that even though she is an only child, God is always with her and He will always love her and be with her;
  4. That God will help me to eat healthily, lose weight and exercise.

It would seem that out of my four goals, my diet and exercise is the one I have the most control over, but feel the most anxious about (thereby paralysing me and leaving me to think I have no control).  So, I have signed up for boot camp and I start on 13th October.  Yes, I am nervous.  I am so scared of making a fool of myself; of not being able to do the exercise, of – shock horror – coming last.  But, I know I need to do this.  I’ve been uhm-ing and ah-ing about my weight and fitness for far too long.  Isn’t it ironic that I used to be the skinny kid – the skinniest in my class, in wine club, etc.  Now, I am, er, no longer that skinny kid.  Isn’t that sad?  To go from healthy eating to overeating simply because I didn’t like the attention I got for being skinny?

I know that I will never lose this weight until I make peace with that little girl who was naturally skinny – I had never been on a diet IN MY LIFE until now, and I had never, ever exercised to lose weight.  In fact, I’d rather die than have anyone see me exercise (I was the kid hiding in the locker room, reading, so as to not do any exercise at all).

So, this is my one foot forward in my attempt to regain what I have lost.