She’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes, when she comes…

Further to my post of last week, I have become more and more aware of just how much I love my mountain.  Oh, I don’t want to, and I keep talking prose about how to move forward, how to leave it behind, how to grow… yadayadaya…  But, the truth of the matter is this: the problem that I have with eating and anxiety is a relatively easy one to solve.  This is my 40-years of wandering around the desert.  You see, whatever my weight may be, I associate eating and anxiety very strongly together.  So, surely the solution should be this: when I’m feeling anxious, don’t reward that feeling with food.  Wait until the anxiety has passed, and then eat…  I can’t be rewarding my anxiety with delicious, tasty food every time I feel anxious.  Somewhere, deep inside, I am holding onto this issue – perhaps it gives more meaning to my life, or something.  I don’t know – but my prayer (since last week), is this:

Dear Lord, please help me to walk away from the mountain.  To leave it so far behind me that not only does it become a distant memory, but I can’t even see it anymore.  Lord, I humbly ask that I can take your hand, that yo will lead me away from this mountain and lead me to the peace and abundant life you promised me.  Show me where to go, Lord, to leave this firmly in the past.  In your holy name, Amen.