Being Victorius!

A post I had written on BabyMamasBlog and thought it pertinent to the whole weight loss issue (story)…

Baby Mama's Blog

I have an issue with my weight.

There, I said it, I have an issue – whether it was before I became a mama and was skinny, my issue was that I was too skinny.  Now, that I have gained substantial weight, my issue is that I have gained substantial weight.  The issue is always there – too fat, too thin, never just right, never happy, never finding that middle ground.  Never accepting, never being content with who I am.  Eating too much or too little – always worrying.

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Eating the table!

I know I may sound like an idiot, but I honestly don’t know what to do when I get so hungry.  Like today, for example…  I am so hungry, I could put a little bit of butter on the table, a dash of salt, and eat the frigging table!!!

Is this normal?

I have no idea.  All I know is that before I fell pregnant, and grabbed hold of the opportunity of gaining weight with every fibre of my being, I never felt hunger like this.


In fact, I used to eat probably one full meal a day, with snacking in between and was quite happy…  And satisfied.  Now I’m eating three full meals a day, plus snacking in-between, and I am always hungry.  Always…  It drives me nuts, and is still quite an adjustment to me, considering that for 36 years I ate one way, and now for the last 8 years I’m eating completely differently…  And battling with it!

Last week, we discussed using Visualization techniques and I really do believe in this, but it’s no quick fix.  I read a while ago of a woman who lost a tremendous amount of weight.  And she did it – according to her – purely through visualization.  She said – according to the article I was reading – that she would sit every day, and every moment of every day, and think about what she would look like, be like and act like if she lost a lot of weight.  One of the ways this helped her was that every time she went to the fridge for a snack, she wouldn’t take anything, because a skinny person doesn’t snack all the time.

She thought like a skinny person and believed she was a skinny person – until she actually became one.

And I’m all fine with that, except I get so hungry that skinny chick be damned.

Not helping my cause much, is it?

Anyway, so I am going to sit for a few minutes every day – even if I have to do this at work – and visualize what it is I want to accomplish:

  • Being peaceful
  • Being calm
  • Eating less
  • Exercising more

Sit and actually see it in my mind’s eye – feel the emotions that go with it, figure out the actions, and change the actual DNA in my brain.

The reason why I know visualization works so well, is because for 36 years before I fell pregnant I had complete anxiety that I was too skinny, and couldn’t wait to gain weight.  I realise now just how stupid that thinking was, but it set the stage for what I am now battling with.  I would give my eye teeth to go back to how I used to eat before falling pregnant – in moderation and when I was hungry.

So, now I need to set a new stage…

Who’s with me?

Thinking Positive Thoughts…


“Imagination is more important than knowledge.  For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create.  Imagination is everything.  It is the preview of life’s coming attractions. ” – Albert Einstein (emphasis mine)

As the old saying goes, “Seeing is believing”.  Except seeing – or thinking positive thoughts – in one’s mind is what creates the belief.  Or, at least, this is what I am referring to when it comes to weight loss, eating healthy, running 21 km, or pretty much anything else we want to achieve.

I don’t think enough positive thoughts.  I fear, I panic and dwell on horrid “what if” scenarios (yes, I am a what-iffer)… and then I allow myself to stew in those negative thoughts and negative emotions.  It’s almost like a drug, a high that sometimes I just can’t help myself.

Then today, I come across this:

By practicing positive visualizations of the future.  Drown out the ugly projections.  Look at them and dismiss them, again and again.  Deny them the air they need to live.  It may take months.  It may take years.  But thoughts, like animals, fight for prominence within your conscious mind.  Support the positive conceptions.  Do not nurture the negative with attention.

I need to stop nurturing the negative.  I have made huge strides in this journey of mine, but I still have this tendency…  So, whether it is constantly working on positive thinking – i.e. viewing any situation I find myself in with a positive slant, or actually sitting down and visualising how I react to those situations, I need to be more committed to walking towards mental health and away from anxiety, stress and eating everything in sight.

The big problem for me is time:  I’m always run off my feet, so to find the time (and the privacy) to sit down for 10 minutes to visualize something, seems – well – rather inconvenient.  BUT – what about when I’m in bed, trying to get my body to sleep?  Or when I need a 10 minute break from my computer at work?  Or in my lunch break?

There is always a way…  And I can use visualization to visual that way… 🙂

There are a number of things I need to visualize:

  1. Not eating when not hungry – I can picture myself as feeling full and not eating anything;
  2. Eating healthy foods – I can picture myself as being hungry, but rather reaching for an apple or something healthy than for a chocolate or chips;
  3. Only eating when hungry – picture myself as only eating when I am truly hungry;
  4. Being able to remain calm and in control when hungry – my meal may be delayed, or I am too busy to eat, or any other situation may arise, but I can remain calm and in control and not give into fear and panic when hungry;
  5. Eating out with my husband in a calm and enjoyable manner – to enjoy a meal out with my husband;
  6. Eating out with friends in a calm and enjoyable manner – to enjoy a meal out with my friends;
  7. Having a healthy relationship with food…

How do you see God?

God can help us with our weight loss issues – to give glory to Him in all that we do. Never put God in a box or limit Him – He is so much more than…

Baby Mama's Blog

I’ve just been reading the ABC News site and an interesting book has just been released in America titled “America’s Four Gods” by Paul Froese and Christopher Bader and describes four different ways in which people view God.  What is even more interesting is that the way a person views God seems to be very strongly linked to their socioeconomic background and upbringing.

Basically, people in America (and I’m sure pretty much across the rest of the first world, too) view God in the following ways:

  1. The Authoritative God:  According the website, someone who views God as authoritative believes God to be very judgmental and engaged in the world at the same time.  What is interesting here is that the person who tends to view God in this way tends to be male and very evangelical.  Not hard to believe when traditionally men are more the disciplinarians and…

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The Mirror

Oh, how I wish I could say, “Mirror, mirror on the wall.  Who is the fairest of them all?” and still be pretty confident the mirror would choose me.

I went clothing shopping yesterday.  Something, due to financial constraints, I never do.  But, I am a bit tired of wearing hand-me-downs, although I am very grateful for clothes to wear.  I just wanted something that was mine – for me, bought by me, that was my style and taste in clothes.  I know I’m sounding selfish here, and I certainly don’t want to give the impression that I am not grateful for the clothes I receive.  I am very grateful.  I just wanted a little something that was just for me…

Anyway, I digress…

Because its been about five years since I last tried on clothes in a shop – maybe longer, I don’t know – I got a huge fright.

I selected the outfitted I wanted, which was on sale and made my way to the changing rooms to try on said outfit.  And that is where I got such a huge fright.  You see, in my mind, I am still this slender person who only weighs 56 kg’s (the weight I was when I fell pregnant).  It is such a shock to the system to see my body so out of shape and weighing in at 67 kg’s (and that is at least down from the 70 odd kg’s I used to weigh a year or two ago – heavier than my husband).  I am so out of shape.  My brother would joke and say that round is also a shape, but seriously…  I looked at my body, my tummy hanging over my pants, my legs so wide like tree stumps, and I felt shame.

This is NOT who I am.

This is who I have allowed myself to become through wrong thoughts, negative attitudes, anxieties and fears.  I believed the lies floating around in my head – never for one moment questioning if any of what I was thinking was true.

But, I do question now.  And I watch a lady at work who has lost 14kg’s.  Well, it’s probably more now, but the last time I chatted to her, it was 14kg’s.  That’s a lot of weight, and I think she is smaller than me – more petite.  So, if she can do it, surely I can do it, too?  But, she doesn’t have all this baggage that I have.  However, I can rid myself of the baggage and walk by faith – not by sight – and achieve this too.

Because I believe that my health and fitness is important to God.  All of me is important to God and if I want to honour God, then I need to honour Him in ALL areas of my life.  Including my weight, eating, health and fitness.

Wow – that mirror was really shocking!

Perfect love, fear and being sick!

Last week, I wasn’t well.  I had some sort of tummy bug, then went and ran a 15 km road race which caused the tummy bug to become an inflammation of my intestines.  Or something like that.  I have not felt that nauseous or ill in a very long time.

In fact, I felt so bad, and had such bad tummy aches, that I could not sleep.  Now, no self-respecting parent will pass up a night’s sleep for no reason.  I mean, seriously?

Anyway, after going back to the doctor twice, and then getting three lots of meds, I finally mended and could start eating.  There are two things that caught my attention during this time:

  1. I didn’t feel that same sense of panic I would normally feel when I didn’t feel like eating.  Part of me just accepted it – I thought I would panic, but I didn’t.  Growth, right?  Yeah, well, I hope so.  It is this fear that has haunted me for much of my life that has caused me to balloon and put on so much weight.  So the fact that I could go for almost an entire week and not eat, and not panic about it, is probably the growth I am looking for.
  2. However, having said that, I am the only person on the face of this planet who can have a tummy infection for a week, not eat anything the entire week (well, no normal meals anyway) and not lose weight.  Why?  Because I lived on toast.  Toast and marmite – to make sure I was eating.

So, while I didn’t feel the panic I would normally, which is great, I did make sure I was eating.  Toast and marmite.  Which isn’t that great.  I should’ve just let my body be and listen to my body.

Anyway, I just read a quote that I love – I couldn’t see the source, so let’s just say it’s from anonymous:

God loves you more in one mere moment of your life than anyone can love you for an entire lifetime.

Isn’t that awesome?  God loves us so much, and if we could only realise just how safe we are in that love, we wouldn’t allow any fear to control or dominate any part of our lives.

Once you allow fear to control (which is what I have done) it is so hard to crawl your way out of fear, and into love.  But, my prayer is this: to learn to live life from a base of love, and not a base of fear.

1 John 4:18 NLTSuch love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.  If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.

Just trust…

Baby Mama's Blog

We are headed for Cape Town next weekend and I am feeling a little nervous.  I always, ALWAYS get nervous before a trip, because I worry about my anxiety and eating.  There is no “just go” with me.  And today I was contemplating going back on Paxil for the trip, you know, to help me through my nervousness.  And as I was praying, I wanted to say, “God, it’s so difficult to know when to trustyou…”

And I stopped.

I couldn’t go on.

This voice inside of me said, “You trustme no matter what.”

Staying on or going off – you trustme.

Eating or not eating – you trustme.

I have a plan to work in your life, and it may mean baby steps for you, you may experience small or large setbacks here and there – but you just trustme.

And I was quiet.

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