Just trust…

Baby Mama's Blog

We are headed for Cape Town next weekend and I am feeling a little nervous.  I always, ALWAYS get nervous before a trip, because I worry about my anxiety and eating.  There is no “just go” with me.  And today I was contemplating going back on Paxil for the trip, you know, to help me through my nervousness.  And as I was praying, I wanted to say, “God, it’s so difficult to know when to trustyou…”

And I stopped.

I couldn’t go on.

This voice inside of me said, “You trustme no matter what.”

Staying on or going off – you trustme.

Eating or not eating – you trustme.

I have a plan to work in your life, and it may mean baby steps for you, you may experience small or large setbacks here and there – but you just trustme.

And I was quiet.

View original post 104 more words

The Pendulum Theory!

This is a post I wrote for the Baby Mama’s Blog in 2013.  And rereading it, I think it is especially pertinent to weight loss, getting fit and eating healthy.  I am re-posting here as well.

Figure two (b) Equatorial pendulum with latitu...
Figure two (b) Equatorial pendulum with latitudinal swing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My pendulum theory

This is a theory that I have had since before hubby and I met.  In fact, I distinctly recall “coining” this in my mid-teens and I still wholeheartedly believe this theory to be true and accurate.  Especially since I have now started to read about this theory in books and on blogs – promise you, I was there first:-).

Anyway, the pendulum theory is quite simple – today I hate Justin Bieber, tomorrow I love him.  You see, the pendulum has swung.  Okay, not so simple or as clear-cut, but let’s try this for an example – today I am poor, tomorrow I win the lotto and I am rich.  The pendulum has swung.  Or for the last six weekends, we had functions and activities planned for every weekend, but thereafter nothing.  You see the pendulum has swung – weekends filled with lots of activity, then nothing for months.  And it will swing back again.

And so it is in life.

You see, hubby and I have always battled financially and I believe the pendulum will swing in our favour eventually.  And I believe the reason why the pendulum swings is what you sow into your life.  For some people, they may never experience the pendulum swinging in big ways, because they do not sow into their own life in a big way.  Let me give you an example, Mr Joe Bloggs goes through the same cycles of life that we all do.  For a couple of months he is so busy, he can barely keep up with all the social functions he needs to attend.  Then for the next couple of months, he has nothing to do.  And this is all well and fine – a natural cycle of life, but what Mr Joe Bloggs needs the pendulum to swing for in a big way is to combat alcoholism.  You see, Mr Joe Bloggs loves to drink.  And drink.  When he gets home from work, the first thing he does is to have a whiskey.  Or two.  Or three.  And Mr Joe Bloggs doesn’t care.  He doesn’t care that he is a raging alcoholic and doesn’t see why he needs to stop.  So, the pendulum is hanging in favour of alcohol, but will never swing back the other way, because Mr Joe Bloggs doesn’t want it to.

To read the rest of the post – click here.

Five Steps to Soul Shifting

So, I have gained all the weight that I lost.  Granted, it wasn’t much to start with, but it’s all back.  Every single last gram of it.  Last night, I felt a bit anxious about a situation coming up, so what did I do?  I ate.  And ate.  And ate.  Going to God with my silly anxiety only occurred to me afterwards.  It’s the devil’s lie: making us forget that we are actually God’s, we belong to Him, and He will comfort us and so we look for comfort in every and anything else.

The idea that I can lose weight without changing my thinking is preposterous.  I can, for a while, lose some weight but if my underlying thinking is that I need food for comfort, I will always go back to food for comfort: resulting in weight gain.  Again.

I have spent years harvesting the thoughts of being too skinny and needing to eat and fearing I was anorexic when I wasn’t and now I am reaping the result of years of wrong thinking.  I had no idea.  My parents – okay, more my mother – drummed it into my head that I was too skinny, I may be anorexic, and that I would choke and die.  And I believed her.  She had no intention to harm me, and she wasn’t lying – she was just operating from her own false sense of need.  But, what that has done is that I am now operating from that belief system: that I need to eat.  So, what do I do when I feel anxious or lonely or sad or bored – I eat.

It doesn’t do anyone any good to diet, lose weight, look amazing if you haven’t challenged your underlying belief system.  Because, quite simply, you’ll just put that weight back on.  And that is why I need a soul shift.  And flip, is it hard.  I have spent 36 years believing a lie, and now for the last four or five years been challenging that lie, but I still resort back to needing to eat (i.e. believing the lie) whenever something crops up that I feel uncomfortable with.

So, I still have a long way to go…

And I’m not quite sure how to get this soul shift, but on deeper reflection, I think that the first step is to make sure what you’re believing is true.  If I had challenged my mother’s wrong thinking initially – had I been old enough – I would not be sitting in this situation today.  If you’re not sure – go to the Bible.  The Bible is full of truth – like, whether I am fat or skinny or somewhere in between – God still loves me, I am still fearfully and wonderfully made, God dances over me in delight, my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit…

No one who truly is looking after their bodies in God’s truth and love will allow themselves to get anorexic or gain excess weight to the point of being unhealthy.  All I really needed to do, was to trust God.  It is all I still really need to do!

Then, I think that the second step is to teach yourself to operate from a position of love, not from fear.  Any time I am overeating to comfort, I am eating from a position of fear.  It doesn’t matter what I am eating; if I am eating out of fear, then I am not eating with the right motives in mind.

The next step then is to challenge the lie.  Every time the lie crops up in my head, I need to remember to challenge that lie.  If I even entertain it for a second, then I am allowing a part of me to still believe it as being true – a “what if” it could be true, when it quite simply isn’t.  And this is the part I am battling with – the constant challenging of the lie.  I wish you could challenge the lie once and then be done with it.  But, sometimes you have to challenge the lie – and replace it with the truth (step 4) – a myriad of times during the day.

But, the final step, I believe is the most important.  You cannot do this alone.  And by alone I’m not referring to Weight Watchers or anything like that – I am referring to being in Christ.  He is the vine and we’re the branches, without Him we can do nothing.  You need His strength to do all things, even eating healthily.

  1. Make sure what you’re believing is true.
  2. Learn to operate your life from a position of love, not fear.
  3. Challenge the lie.
  4. Replace the lie with the truth.
  5. Remain in Christ.

Ephesians 4:22-24 New International Version (NIV):  22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Changing my mind

Well, I have lost some weight.

And as I’ve gotten on the scale to see, the whole fear and old haunting voices have come out to challenge me:

You're no good!
You'll never succeed!
What if everyone sees the real you - 
what will you hide behind then???
What if you get so skinny, you get sick and die?
What if I choke and get so skinny - and die?

Yes, these are the thoughts running through my head.  And I have become painfully aware of my power.  My power to choose.  To choose to believe the lies.  Or to reject the lies and search for the truth.  And what is the truth?

The truth is that I can step out into the sun, I can feel the gentle breeze on my face.  I can break down the walls I’ve been hiding behind my entire life.  In Jesus, I am safe, loved and accepted.  I can embrace my husband and my life as blessings from God.  I can embrace God who loves me completely.  I can trust in who God created me to be.  I can trust God will always guide me saying, “Here is the path.”  I can trust God has created me fearfully and wonderfully.  I will NOT give up.  I will reap the harvest of blessing if I do NOT give up.

So, as tempted as it is to follow the well-worn paths in my brain to believing the lies, and falling down the well again, I can choose to believe the truth.  This time, I am focusing on God’s word, His truth and His unending love for me.

My reasons for wanting to lose weight!

Yesterday, was a tough day for me.  I had sugar lows that I was shaking, but I had eaten.  And I had eaten what I would normally eat – so it wasn’t like I was missing out or anything.  Then, I had a protein shake to help stabilize my blood sugar – then I felt so full, I couldn’t even eat supper last night.  Okay, I did – but it was a small portion.

And once again, I just go despondent, but then I thought of my post from last week.  I can’t tell you how much that helped.

There is a reason why I am on this journey – stinking thinking got me into this mess.

Correct, positive and healthy thinking will go along way to getting me out of this mess.

And one of the ways to correct your thinking is to remind yourself why you’re doing something in the first place.

And I have TEN solid reasons for wanting to lose weight:

  1. I want to lose weight to get back to my true self – before negative thinking and destructive self talk took over.
  2. I want to lose weight to be fit, slim, trim and healthy.
  3. I want to lose weight to run faster and better.
  4. I want to lose weight because I want to look like an athlete – not a wobbly, middle-aged mom wannabe…
  5. I want to lose weight because I want to give my husband who he married -a slender, healthy wife.
  6. I want to lose weight because I don’t want my life to revolve around food, and eating at every opportunity – that’s not how I want to live my life.
  7. I want to lose weight because I don’t want to live my live succumbing to cravings that I seem unable to control.  I am stronger than this!  I am made from sterner stuff – I don’t have to be controlled by my stomach!
  8. I want to lose weight to give glory to God for my victory over negative thinking, and destructive self-talk.
  9. I want to lose weight to give my daughter a healthy concept of what it means to be a woman.
  10. I want to lose weight to prove to myself that I can do this

Even now, just writing these reasons over again, it helps – I still find it quite ironic that before I had Baby Girl, I was wanting to gain weight, believing I was too skinny.  Now, I’m wanting to lose weight.  Whether you want to gain or lose, you need to know the why…  It helps!

What is your reason for wanting to lose weight?

Giving up Sugar… and trying to be an Athlete!

This is not easy…

All I’ve done is give up sweets & chocolates…  And on Saturday I did a new Parkrun (which was very, very tough) and I craved simply everything sugary and sweet in sight.  I mean, I even drank a Fanta Grape and I never, ever drink fizzy cool drinks.  But, the craving was so strong, I actually – quite simply – could not help myself.

Then I had milk.

Then I had a smoothie from Kauai.
Then I had some more Fanta Grape.

Clearly, after running my body is needing something.  But, I have no idea what that something is or what I can give my body that isn’t sugary and sweet and completely unhealthy for you.  After the craving subsided, I have been fine since…

I need to come up with an action plan that I can actually stick to, but I think the one thing that I try to remind myself to do is to list the reasons of why I actually want to lose weight:

  1. I want to lose weight to get back to my true self – before negative thinking and destructive self talk took over.
  2. I want to lose weight to be fit, slim, trim and healthy.
  3. I want to lose weight to run faster and better.
  4. I want to lose weight because I want to look like an athlete – not a wobbly, middle-aged mom wannabe…
  5. I want to lose weight because I want to give my husband who he married -a slender, healthy wife.
  6. I want to lose weight because I don’t want my life to revolve around food, and eating at every opportunity – that’s not how I want to live my life.
  7. I want to lose weight because I don’t want to live my live succumbing to cravings that I seem unable to control.
  8. I want to lose weight to give glory to God for my victory over negative thinking, and destructive self-talk.
  9. I want to lose weight to give my daughter a healthy concept of what it means to be a woman.
  10. I want to lose weight to prove to myself that I can do this…

There we go – 10 reasons to remind myself of why I am doing this whenever the cravings or the anxiety hit…  10 good and solid reasons for wanting to lose weight.  Let’s hope and pray that I can now make this happen.

Giving up Sugar – and battling with my decision!

Oh, man, last week in my quest to quit sugar, I decided to start off slowly and cut out just sweets and chocolates.  Bread, biscuits, donuts, etc can come later.  So, I have not had one sweet or chocolate since last week (basically, the beginning of February).  And last week was okay – I felt strong.

However…

This week has been a battle.  I have craved, completely craved chocolate.  I have managed to hold out and they do say I need to swap out the need for something sweet with something I can have, like an apple.  So, I have had more apples in the last week than in quite a while

But, the taste of chocolate – I am really battling this week.

I have had a few side effects though – a little anxiety, a little sleeplessness (could also be the heat), a little thirst…  But nothing too bad.  Oh, and headaches, and feeling a little faint and light-headed.

But, I have to persevere…  At the moment, I don’t have diabetes or any weight related problems, but if I keep on my current trajectory, then I will definitely develop all of these things (especially considering old age diabetes runs in the family).

Hubby and I have also given up having a glass of wine with dinner during the week (i.e. from Monday to Thursday), but allow ourselves to have a glass on a Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  I read that white wine (my favourite) has a much higher sugar content than red, and if I want to drink wine I need to opt for red.

So, this past week has been tough.

And on Sunday, my brother and his wife came to visit.  My brother has lost 12 kg’s since the beginning of the year.  I’ve been trying to lose weight for the last seven years.  The difference is though all he had to do was give up drinking coke (or any fizzy soft drink) and bread.  I don’t drink coke, and I don’t have sugar with my tea or coffee (he has THREE teaspoons of sugar with his tea).  So, I kinda feel cheated on – my one little enjoyment in life I have had to give up to make headway in the battle of the bulge.  Just doesn’t seem right somehow…  He is looking amazing though!  And I truly believe that any weight loss just helps keep your body healthy and strong.

After this, I hope to give up bread or biscuits!