I surrender…

I want what I had before I fell pregnant.  I mean, I want my life as it is now – I just want the body I had before I fell pregnant.  Before pregnancy gave me the opportunity of defeating what turned out to be nothing more than my own negative thinking and lies.

But, so much has changed since that time that I don’t even know if it is possible to go back.

Only forward...

My life and diet now is so different to what it once was and I deeply regret believing the lies.

However…

I know that God is in the business of redemption, of wholeness, of restoration…  And so I cannot fight this battle anymore.  Not on my own.  I need help, I need guidance, I need grace.

And so I surrender to God and ask Him to show me, to teach me, to guide me – to teach me self-control and to glorify Him.  This fight I can no longer do on my own…

I surrender…

Being Victorius!

A post I had written on BabyMamasBlog and thought it pertinent to the whole weight loss issue (story)…

Baby Mama's Blog

I have an issue with my weight.

There, I said it, I have an issue – whether it was before I became a mama and was skinny, my issue was that I was too skinny.  Now, that I have gained substantial weight, my issue is that I have gained substantial weight.  The issue is always there – too fat, too thin, never just right, never happy, never finding that middle ground.  Never accepting, never being content with who I am.  Eating too much or too little – always worrying.

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How do you see God?

God can help us with our weight loss issues – to give glory to Him in all that we do. Never put God in a box or limit Him – He is so much more than…

Baby Mama's Blog

I’ve just been reading the ABC News site and an interesting book has just been released in America titled “America’s Four Gods” by Paul Froese and Christopher Bader and describes four different ways in which people view God.  What is even more interesting is that the way a person views God seems to be very strongly linked to their socioeconomic background and upbringing.

Basically, people in America (and I’m sure pretty much across the rest of the first world, too) view God in the following ways:

  1. The Authoritative God:  According the website, someone who views God as authoritative believes God to be very judgmental and engaged in the world at the same time.  What is interesting here is that the person who tends to view God in this way tends to be male and very evangelical.  Not hard to believe when traditionally men are more the disciplinarians and…

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The Mirror

Oh, how I wish I could say, “Mirror, mirror on the wall.  Who is the fairest of them all?” and still be pretty confident the mirror would choose me.

I went clothing shopping yesterday.  Something, due to financial constraints, I never do.  But, I am a bit tired of wearing hand-me-downs, although I am very grateful for clothes to wear.  I just wanted something that was mine – for me, bought by me, that was my style and taste in clothes.  I know I’m sounding selfish here, and I certainly don’t want to give the impression that I am not grateful for the clothes I receive.  I am very grateful.  I just wanted a little something that was just for me…

Anyway, I digress…

Because its been about five years since I last tried on clothes in a shop – maybe longer, I don’t know – I got a huge fright.

I selected the outfitted I wanted, which was on sale and made my way to the changing rooms to try on said outfit.  And that is where I got such a huge fright.  You see, in my mind, I am still this slender person who only weighs 56 kg’s (the weight I was when I fell pregnant).  It is such a shock to the system to see my body so out of shape and weighing in at 67 kg’s (and that is at least down from the 70 odd kg’s I used to weigh a year or two ago – heavier than my husband).  I am so out of shape.  My brother would joke and say that round is also a shape, but seriously…  I looked at my body, my tummy hanging over my pants, my legs so wide like tree stumps, and I felt shame.

This is NOT who I am.

This is who I have allowed myself to become through wrong thoughts, negative attitudes, anxieties and fears.  I believed the lies floating around in my head – never for one moment questioning if any of what I was thinking was true.

But, I do question now.  And I watch a lady at work who has lost 14kg’s.  Well, it’s probably more now, but the last time I chatted to her, it was 14kg’s.  That’s a lot of weight, and I think she is smaller than me – more petite.  So, if she can do it, surely I can do it, too?  But, she doesn’t have all this baggage that I have.  However, I can rid myself of the baggage and walk by faith – not by sight – and achieve this too.

Because I believe that my health and fitness is important to God.  All of me is important to God and if I want to honour God, then I need to honour Him in ALL areas of my life.  Including my weight, eating, health and fitness.

Wow – that mirror was really shocking!

Just trust…

Baby Mama's Blog

We are headed for Cape Town next weekend and I am feeling a little nervous.  I always, ALWAYS get nervous before a trip, because I worry about my anxiety and eating.  There is no “just go” with me.  And today I was contemplating going back on Paxil for the trip, you know, to help me through my nervousness.  And as I was praying, I wanted to say, “God, it’s so difficult to know when to trustyou…”

And I stopped.

I couldn’t go on.

This voice inside of me said, “You trustme no matter what.”

Staying on or going off – you trustme.

Eating or not eating – you trustme.

I have a plan to work in your life, and it may mean baby steps for you, you may experience small or large setbacks here and there – but you just trustme.

And I was quiet.

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The Pendulum Theory!

This is a post I wrote for the Baby Mama’s Blog in 2013.  And rereading it, I think it is especially pertinent to weight loss, getting fit and eating healthy.  I am re-posting here as well.

Figure two (b) Equatorial pendulum with latitu...
Figure two (b) Equatorial pendulum with latitudinal swing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My pendulum theory

This is a theory that I have had since before hubby and I met.  In fact, I distinctly recall “coining” this in my mid-teens and I still wholeheartedly believe this theory to be true and accurate.  Especially since I have now started to read about this theory in books and on blogs – promise you, I was there first:-).

Anyway, the pendulum theory is quite simple – today I hate Justin Bieber, tomorrow I love him.  You see, the pendulum has swung.  Okay, not so simple or as clear-cut, but let’s try this for an example – today I am poor, tomorrow I win the lotto and I am rich.  The pendulum has swung.  Or for the last six weekends, we had functions and activities planned for every weekend, but thereafter nothing.  You see the pendulum has swung – weekends filled with lots of activity, then nothing for months.  And it will swing back again.

And so it is in life.

You see, hubby and I have always battled financially and I believe the pendulum will swing in our favour eventually.  And I believe the reason why the pendulum swings is what you sow into your life.  For some people, they may never experience the pendulum swinging in big ways, because they do not sow into their own life in a big way.  Let me give you an example, Mr Joe Bloggs goes through the same cycles of life that we all do.  For a couple of months he is so busy, he can barely keep up with all the social functions he needs to attend.  Then for the next couple of months, he has nothing to do.  And this is all well and fine – a natural cycle of life, but what Mr Joe Bloggs needs the pendulum to swing for in a big way is to combat alcoholism.  You see, Mr Joe Bloggs loves to drink.  And drink.  When he gets home from work, the first thing he does is to have a whiskey.  Or two.  Or three.  And Mr Joe Bloggs doesn’t care.  He doesn’t care that he is a raging alcoholic and doesn’t see why he needs to stop.  So, the pendulum is hanging in favour of alcohol, but will never swing back the other way, because Mr Joe Bloggs doesn’t want it to.

To read the rest of the post – click here.

Five Steps to Soul Shifting

So, I have gained all the weight that I lost.  Granted, it wasn’t much to start with, but it’s all back.  Every single last gram of it.  Last night, I felt a bit anxious about a situation coming up, so what did I do?  I ate.  And ate.  And ate.  Going to God with my silly anxiety only occurred to me afterwards.  It’s the devil’s lie: making us forget that we are actually God’s, we belong to Him, and He will comfort us and so we look for comfort in every and anything else.

The idea that I can lose weight without changing my thinking is preposterous.  I can, for a while, lose some weight but if my underlying thinking is that I need food for comfort, I will always go back to food for comfort: resulting in weight gain.  Again.

I have spent years harvesting the thoughts of being too skinny and needing to eat and fearing I was anorexic when I wasn’t and now I am reaping the result of years of wrong thinking.  I had no idea.  My parents – okay, more my mother – drummed it into my head that I was too skinny, I may be anorexic, and that I would choke and die.  And I believed her.  She had no intention to harm me, and she wasn’t lying – she was just operating from her own false sense of need.  But, what that has done is that I am now operating from that belief system: that I need to eat.  So, what do I do when I feel anxious or lonely or sad or bored – I eat.

It doesn’t do anyone any good to diet, lose weight, look amazing if you haven’t challenged your underlying belief system.  Because, quite simply, you’ll just put that weight back on.  And that is why I need a soul shift.  And flip, is it hard.  I have spent 36 years believing a lie, and now for the last four or five years been challenging that lie, but I still resort back to needing to eat (i.e. believing the lie) whenever something crops up that I feel uncomfortable with.

So, I still have a long way to go…

And I’m not quite sure how to get this soul shift, but on deeper reflection, I think that the first step is to make sure what you’re believing is true.  If I had challenged my mother’s wrong thinking initially – had I been old enough – I would not be sitting in this situation today.  If you’re not sure – go to the Bible.  The Bible is full of truth – like, whether I am fat or skinny or somewhere in between – God still loves me, I am still fearfully and wonderfully made, God dances over me in delight, my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit…

No one who truly is looking after their bodies in God’s truth and love will allow themselves to get anorexic or gain excess weight to the point of being unhealthy.  All I really needed to do, was to trust God.  It is all I still really need to do!

Then, I think that the second step is to teach yourself to operate from a position of love, not from fear.  Any time I am overeating to comfort, I am eating from a position of fear.  It doesn’t matter what I am eating; if I am eating out of fear, then I am not eating with the right motives in mind.

The next step then is to challenge the lie.  Every time the lie crops up in my head, I need to remember to challenge that lie.  If I even entertain it for a second, then I am allowing a part of me to still believe it as being true – a “what if” it could be true, when it quite simply isn’t.  And this is the part I am battling with – the constant challenging of the lie.  I wish you could challenge the lie once and then be done with it.  But, sometimes you have to challenge the lie – and replace it with the truth (step 4) – a myriad of times during the day.

But, the final step, I believe is the most important.  You cannot do this alone.  And by alone I’m not referring to Weight Watchers or anything like that – I am referring to being in Christ.  He is the vine and we’re the branches, without Him we can do nothing.  You need His strength to do all things, even eating healthily.

  1. Make sure what you’re believing is true.
  2. Learn to operate your life from a position of love, not fear.
  3. Challenge the lie.
  4. Replace the lie with the truth.
  5. Remain in Christ.

Ephesians 4:22-24 New International Version (NIV):  22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.