Oh, how I wish I could say, “Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all?” and still be pretty confident the mirror would choose me.
I went clothing shopping yesterday. Something, due to financial constraints, I never do. But, I am a bit tired of wearing hand-me-downs, although I am very grateful for clothes to wear. I just wanted something that was mine – for me, bought by me, that was my style and taste in clothes. I know I’m sounding selfish here, and I certainly don’t want to give the impression that I am not grateful for the clothes I receive. I am very grateful. I just wanted a little something that was just for me…
Anyway, I digress…
Because its been about five years since I last tried on clothes in a shop – maybe longer, I don’t know – I got a huge fright.
I selected the outfitted I wanted, which was on sale and made my way to the changing rooms to try on said outfit. And that is where I got such a huge fright. You see, in my mind, I am still this slender person who only weighs 56 kg’s (the weight I was when I fell pregnant). It is such a shock to the system to see my body so out of shape and weighing in at 67 kg’s (and that is at least down from the 70 odd kg’s I used to weigh a year or two ago – heavier than my husband). I am so out of shape. My brother would joke and say that round is also a shape, but seriously… I looked at my body, my tummy hanging over my pants, my legs so wide like tree stumps, and I felt shame.
This is NOT who I am.
This is who I have allowed myself to become through wrong thoughts, negative attitudes, anxieties and fears. I believed the lies floating around in my head – never for one moment questioning if any of what I was thinking was true.
But, I do question now. And I watch a lady at work who has lost 14kg’s. Well, it’s probably more now, but the last time I chatted to her, it was 14kg’s. That’s a lot of weight, and I think she is smaller than me – more petite. So, if she can do it, surely I can do it, too? But, she doesn’t have all this baggage that I have. However, I can rid myself of the baggage and walk by faith – not by sight – and achieve this too.
Because I believe that my health and fitness is important to God. All of me is important to God and if I want to honour God, then I need to honour Him in ALL areas of my life. Including my weight, eating, health and fitness.
Wow – that mirror was really shocking!