Perfect love, fear and being sick!

Last week, I wasn’t well.  I had some sort of tummy bug, then went and ran a 15 km road race which caused the tummy bug to become an inflammation of my intestines.  Or something like that.  I have not felt that nauseous or ill in a very long time.

In fact, I felt so bad, and had such bad tummy aches, that I could not sleep.  Now, no self-respecting parent will pass up a night’s sleep for no reason.  I mean, seriously?

Anyway, after going back to the doctor twice, and then getting three lots of meds, I finally mended and could start eating.  There are two things that caught my attention during this time:

  1. I didn’t feel that same sense of panic I would normally feel when I didn’t feel like eating.  Part of me just accepted it – I thought I would panic, but I didn’t.  Growth, right?  Yeah, well, I hope so.  It is this fear that has haunted me for much of my life that has caused me to balloon and put on so much weight.  So the fact that I could go for almost an entire week and not eat, and not panic about it, is probably the growth I am looking for.
  2. However, having said that, I am the only person on the face of this planet who can have a tummy infection for a week, not eat anything the entire week (well, no normal meals anyway) and not lose weight.  Why?  Because I lived on toast.  Toast and marmite – to make sure I was eating.

So, while I didn’t feel the panic I would normally, which is great, I did make sure I was eating.  Toast and marmite.  Which isn’t that great.  I should’ve just let my body be and listen to my body.

Anyway, I just read a quote that I love – I couldn’t see the source, so let’s just say it’s from anonymous:

God loves you more in one mere moment of your life than anyone can love you for an entire lifetime.

Isn’t that awesome?  God loves us so much, and if we could only realise just how safe we are in that love, we wouldn’t allow any fear to control or dominate any part of our lives.

Once you allow fear to control (which is what I have done) it is so hard to crawl your way out of fear, and into love.  But, my prayer is this: to learn to live life from a base of love, and not a base of fear.

1 John 4:18 NLTSuch love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.  If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.

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