Weight Gain.

I have gained weight.


I am trying to watch what I eat.  I am trying to exercise more.  I am trying – but clearly what I am trying to do isn’t working.

Perhaps it’s hormonal.  Or laziness.  Or sugar resistance.  Or something… Isn’t it so much easier to blame something outside of ourselves?

The truth of the matter is that I eat too much.  Quite simply, the inflow of food exceeds the outflow of energy.  It really is that simple – even I, who was quite useless at Maths, can figure that one out.  But, I suppose more importantly is the WHY…  Why do I consume so much food?  Or more importantly, why do I not see just how much food I am consuming?

It’s simple…

The first why is that I am scared.  I eat because I am scared.  What am I scared of?  Not existing, making a fool of myself, being teased (that one stems from my childhood): I eat all the time because I have this fear driving me to eat.  It’s not a fear of any one particular thing; its more that I have a fearful nature and eating helps to calm that nature.  Kind of like carrying around a heavy sack just filled with a boat load of fear and anxiety.

And as for the second why – well, when you’re hungry (whether actual physical hunger or emotional hunger), when you see food you tend to eat it.  I’m always asking for more…

And my why for asking for more?  Just in case…

Just in case I’m hungry later…

Just in case I have a sugar low (yeah, fat chance of that happening)…

Just in case I can’t eat later…

Just in case I’m bored…

Just in case I’m scared…

Just in case…

Just in case…

Just in case…

I think I need to rather try:

I’m not going to have seconds just in case I gain more weight.

I’m not going to eat that sugar coated food item just in case I get diabetes.

I’m not going to eat and eat and eat just in case it incapacitates me from truly living life.

Why is health and weight and diet so difficult to manage?

Why can I see all the why’s and what if’s, but I feel so powerless to do anything about it?  Where do I get the power or discipline or focus or whatever is needed to eat a healthy, sustainable, organic diet and actually want to do it?




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