Feeling Hungry!

Walking away from the mountain is a long trek – they do say Rome wasn’t built-in a day, and it did take a whopping 42 years to build up this seriously unhealthy relationship to food and anxiety, it’s not going to take a day to break it all down.  But, after seeing the sports nutritionist, there have been some improvements.

  1. Firstly, I don’t have cravings anymore where all I could do is butter my desk at work, at a touch of salt, and eat it.  And that is always good.
  2. Secondly, my blood sugar seems to be more stable.  I am still always feeling hungry, but somehow it seems just less so… (maybe I am just having a good week?)
  3. Thirdly, I am really enjoying my running – and is also always good.  I am going to run and lunch time now, although it is gale force winds outside, but if hubby can cycle in this wind, I can run in this wind.
  4. And lastly – for now – I don’t feel like I’m eating all the time.

So, surely I must be headed in the right direction?  Well, we can hope – what I do know is this: I cannot continue to live my life surrounded by the idea that I need to eat all the time and eat everything in sight.  It’s not healthy, nor is it balanced.  So, I guess more than seeing the sports nutritionist, is working on my thoughts and attitude.  And it is so hard – when you’ve been thinking one way your entire life, its hard to build up a new complex network of new thoughts.

She also said we must eat slowly, really chew our food well – and focus on enjoying our meals: give our brains and bodies time to realise that we’re actually full…





She’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes, when she comes…

Further to my post of last week, I have become more and more aware of just how much I love my mountain.  Oh, I don’t want to, and I keep talking prose about how to move forward, how to leave it behind, how to grow… yadayadaya…  But, the truth of the matter is this: the problem that I have with eating and anxiety is a relatively easy one to solve.  This is my 40-years of wandering around the desert.  You see, whatever my weight may be, I associate eating and anxiety very strongly together.  So, surely the solution should be this: when I’m feeling anxious, don’t reward that feeling with food.  Wait until the anxiety has passed, and then eat…  I can’t be rewarding my anxiety with delicious, tasty food every time I feel anxious.  Somewhere, deep inside, I am holding onto this issue – perhaps it gives more meaning to my life, or something.  I don’t know – but my prayer (since last week), is this:

Dear Lord, please help me to walk away from the mountain.  To leave it so far behind me that not only does it become a distant memory, but I can’t even see it anymore.  Lord, I humbly ask that I can take your hand, that yo will lead me away from this mountain and lead me to the peace and abundant life you promised me.  Show me where to go, Lord, to leave this firmly in the past.  In your holy name, Amen.

What did she say?

Well, last time I wrote about how I had made an appointment to see a doctor who specialises in Sport’s Science Nutrition (sounds very fancy, but basically looks at the nutrition required to feed our bodies adequately when doing sport).

Firstly, she said that banting doesn’t work well with woman – with our hormone fluctuations and sugar requirements, we need some carbs.  Not a lot, and not of the bad kind, but we definitely do need carbs.  Yay for potatoes.

Secondly, she says that the volume of what I am eating is okay – I’m just not eating the right kinds of things.  I need to eat what will fuel my body, not just satisfy the need for food.

So, in a nutshell, I need to start eating oats (which – fortunately – I have always enjoyed) for breakfast, supplemented by a protein.  Then a small fruit at about 10:00, lunch to consist of protein, veg and a small amount of carbs.  A small snack at 15:00, then a small portion for dinner.

Not to bad, but I am already getting tired of eating oats every day, and I am I have gained weight.  I know why too – my portion sizes are way too big.  I keep having this fear that I am going to get hungry and so I eat to compensate and even though I’m not hungry at all…

I am a work in progress.

She also said – what we all already know – to eat as slowly as possible (it must take more than 20 minutes to eat your meal); to chew your food well and just to slow down.

Yip – all things I need to work on.

So, well, I will keep you posted – I am so tired of walking around this same mountain; I am truly ready for some new scenery.

The Lord our God said to us in Horeb, You have dwelt long enough on this mountain.  — Deuteronomy 1:6 (AMPC)

SEPTEMBER 06, 2017

Conquering the Wilderness Mentality

– by Joyce Meyer

The Israelites wandered around in the wilderness for 40 years to make what was actually an 11-day journey.  Why?  Once, as I pondered this situation, the Lord said to me, “The Israelites couldn’t move on because they had a wilderness mentality.”  The Israelites had no positive vision for their lives—no dreams.  They needed to let go of that mentality and trust God.  We really shouldn’t view the Israelites with astonishment because most of us do the same things they did.  We keep going around the same mountains instead of making progress, and it takes us years to experience victory over something that could have been dealt with quickly.  We need a new mindset.  We need to start believing that God’s Word is true.  Matthew 19:26 tells us that with God all things are possible.  All He needs is our faith in Him.  He needs for us to believe, and He will do the rest.  The Lord is saying the same thing to you and me today that He said to the children of Israel: “You have dwelt long enough on this mountain.”  It’s time for us to move on!


Paleo Diet


Tomorrow I meet with this person – who has her doctorate in sports nutrition and did her thesis on the paleo diet – to see what she can do for me.

I am so nervous.

Not only do I know that my diet must change – but I have to work on my thoughts, attitude and how I approach food.  I have always focused on my thoughts with the idea that losing weight will flow naturally after I change how I think.  But, perhaps it is something that happens simultaneously.

Say a little prayer for me – and let’s see how tomorrow goes.

A Food Diary – The Shock

So, last week, I blogged about how I started to keep a food diary.  And although I have not yet received this “lift altering” diet (note the sarcasm), I was shocked (I think) by just how much I was eating.  It wasn’t as much as I thought, but it is still way more than what it needs to be.  If you consider that before falling pregnant, I had maybe one full meal a day with some grazing and snacking in between – now I am having three full meals, with a lot of grazing and snacking in-between.  I can easily say that I am eating maybe three times what I used to eat, which maybe could explain why I am still 10 kg’s heavier than what I was…

The thought that formed in my head that we need to eat just enough to sustain our lives – we don’t live to sustain our eating.

And so far, I have been pleasantly surprised – I am eating a lot more than what I need to.  I can see that.  We have sent my eating diary through to whomever will be giving me a diet to aid my starvation needs.

Do I surrender?

Yesterday, I received a blog post from Sheila Wray Gregoire and basically she was saying that we embrace our sexuality by surrendering to God and trusting in Him.   Everything she wrote about embracing your sexuality and using excuses such as I’m British is just that – an excuse can apply to me and my anxiety.  I can’t ever use the excuse that I can’t lose weight because I am fearful or anxious – because that is just an excuse.  I need to surrender myself to the word of God and to allowing God to change my heart and my mind to being more like Christ.  

And somehow I can’t image Christ being overweight, or obese, or battling eating disorders.

And so, as I persevere, I remember what God’s word says:

Be perfect therefore as your Heavenly Father is perfect.  Matthew 5:48

In God do I trust!

A Food Diary!

Dum, dum, dum!!!

Yes, I am now keeping a food diary.  I have always been totally against keeping a food diary, because my theory has always been to change how one thinks about food and that will show itself out naturally in one’s relationship to food.

Working?  Uh, not much...

My biggest issue isn’t so much wanted to eat as it is scared of not eating.  And yet, there is this thought forming in my head that we need to eat just enough to sustain our lives – we don’t live to sustain our eating (well, at least we shouldn’t live to sustain our eating).  And I am also realising that action, combined with new thinking, is what changes what we do and think.  I can’t just focus on the one side of the coin.

And so far, I have been pleasantly surprised – I am eating a lot more than what I need to.  I can see that.  But, I am also eating a lot less than what I thought I was.  Which may just be a good thing.  Anyway, we (hubby and I) met someone who can work out an eating plan based on what we’re currently eating.  It will be embarrassing to give this to her, because I eat mostly from anxiety and not from hunger, but at least having a plan will mean I have a way to make sure that my body is receiving healthy nutrition and is being sustained effectively.  From there, I have something to work with: i.e. if I’m feeling anxious, but I have eaten according to my eating plan, I can lay my anxiety to rest, because I have eaten according to my eating plan.  Or, if I’m feeling anxious and I haven’t eaten, I have some ideas on what to work with instead of just striking out with toast (and loads of butter and Marmite) and coffee.  She has asked that we keep a food diary for three days, but I am going to do this for a week, because I am far more in control of my eating at work than I am at home.

Am I nervous?

Yes, yes, I am.  I am going to be giving up my control – the control of eating and food that I think I have and learning a new way to relate to food.  And learning something new is never easy.  I worry about how I am going to react, can I control my anxiety and my cravings, what if my sugar drops, or I start to feel sick?  So, the most important thing I will be doing here is surrendering control.  I don’t know if I have it within me to do this.  But, I do know that I have a God who loves me more than anything, who is completely invested in banishing fear from my life and to make me more like Christ and who is completely and totally on my side.  So, yeah, tomorrow I may wake up and decide I can’t do this.  But, somehow, I have to push through.

Where angels fear to tread…

And then I am scared of failure –

What if I am caught in this limbo of fear and anxiety for the rest of my life?  Never really moving beyond this or getting out of it; always stuck in could’ve, would’ve, should’ve…  And never reaching that goal of eating and honouring my body as a temple of the Holy Spirit, or giving my husband what he married, not what I’ve become…

In God do I trust!